The woman of La Mancha. On painting Elif Shafak.

As many of you may already be aware, I was the winner of Episode 2 of Portrait Artist of the Year, painting writer and activist, Elif Shafak. Here are some reflections on my portrait and a little bit more about the experience.

About a month before filming Portrait Artist of the Year, all participants had a phone call with a therapist where we were told to try and be ready for a day full of stress and also for the fact that the painting session was just four hours long - so we surely wouldn’t end up with our best portrait. I nodded silently, knowing it was probably right. 

It was only half of the story though.

On the day of the challenge I somehow disconnected from all the stress and didn’t feel anxious before it all began. When Elif was announced as our sitter and entered the room, she filled it with kindness and I instantly felt inspired, but also confident and eager to paint. First of all, Elif is a great model. She’s natural, very harmonious and has captivating eyes. There’s something very magnetic about her. I admire her work as a writer, but also as a human rights activist and it was a real privilege to have her as my sitter. There was also another thing that would make her a great model even if I had no idea who she was - she had a very unique way of looking and being but also, it felt like I’d met her before, even though I’m pretty sure I didn’t. 

As she decided to read during the sitting, I thought a pose with her eyes down would describe her best. After all, the show is about painting from life and this is what was in front of us. Reading in front of a painter is an act of trust; after all, you’re not able to focus on posing and reading at the same time. I found that empowering.

I wanted my portrait to radiate this gentleness that seemed to be such an integral part of Elif. Next to her, there was a Turkish tile and I felt like incorporating it in the painting in some way. It seemed symbolic and helped add narrative to this painting that, in my head, was already a story. 

When I saw the tile and the pattern, the composition appeared in my head. She seemed to be this very feminine, motherly figure which somehow reminded me of so many references in art history: medieval pictures of saints, preraphaelites (the beautiful form of her hair!), romantic portraits from the XIX century. I decided to place the tile as a halo behind her head.

My goals for this portrait were to capture femininity, wisdom, gentleness, to tell a story of this beautiful person; and the process of painting was nothing but pleasure. It felt great and the audience behind me was extremely encouraging. Somebody said the portrait looked great. A different person told me Elif and I looked like alike (what a compliment). People paid compliments to my husband, Konrad, who radiated joy while watching me paint. It was truly one of those moments that made me feel alive and happy; despite the conditions I somehow managed to get into this beautiful state of flow. Talking to Elif was yet another beautiful experience and I wish I could’ve  spent an entire afternoon on this conversation. When asked about one book she’d like to be painted with, she mentioned Cervantes’ ‘The man of la Mancha’.

When time was up, I felt like I managed to paint what I wanted to. I think I painted until the very last minute, although from that point on, my memories get blurry as that was when the stress kicked in. Even though painting in front of cameras didn’t stress me out, verbalising my thoughts in a language that isn’t my own after such an intense day felt like climbing a mountain. 

What happened next? Elif decided to keep my painting (what an honour!) and the judges chose three of us before they announced the winner. It was Robbie (what a great painter and at such a young age as well), Julianne (who creates beautiful depictions of moments of motherhood, very close to my heart) and I. Honestly, I think everybody did a great job so I had no clue that I could actually win the heat (me clapping to myself was probably a sign that I didn’t quite believe it at first). 

All in all, a day to remember with so many beautiful moments. It felt special, it felt right and I'm very grateful for the experience.