Stories behind three self portraits: 'Hunger', 'Self portrait at 31' and 'Summer self portrait'

 

‘Hunger’ (2022) is a self portrait with my baby from the time of weaning. It shows me looking in the mirror while he puts his hand under my top. I became a mom at 23 and when my daughter was still under 2, I got pregnant with my second child which which lead to continuous breastfeeding for 4 years. It was a beautiful, yet difficult time of my life and I felt like I was somehow losing my identity while having to focus entirely on my babies.

When he was 1.5 I had to leave for a week to attend an art exhibition where I was going to show my recent paintings. It felt very symbolic - I was stepping out of my motherly role that I executed exclusively for those 4 years and beginning to search for my reformed identity as a woman and a painter. I wanted to capture what felt like a turning point -  the moment when the mother chooses to focus on herself for the first time since becoming a mom.

 

'Summer self portrait' (2024) celebrates another moment of motherhood. I painted it during our family holidays by the Baltic Sea when for the first time since becoming parents we had time for ourselves during a family trip. Our children made new friends and spent a lot of time outside; we didn't expect this to happen and had a lot of spare time to do anything we felt like. I took the bathroom mirror to the porch and spent a little more than an hour painting this portrait. While working on it, I felt a certain duality of emotions. There was a feeling of freedom and gaining something back, for sure; but there was also the sadness of realising that my children are growing up, that they're starting to have their separate paths. There was a sense of an ending. I felt like these soft, blurry shadows and strong, bright lights aligned with what I felt on that day.

 

The third self portrait that I wanted to tell you about is 'Self portrait at 31' (2023). I created it in my studio, waiting for a client visit. I first sketched it on a piece of paper, then decided to prime it and stepped in with oil paint. 

It was probably that moment when I realised that starting paintings with pencil sketches works best for the freshness and spontaneity of my brushstrokes.

I got in a beautiful state of flow when painting it and this short session reminded me that painting is the way of facing reality that I choose.

It got an honorable mention at Galleri Ramfjord Grant Exhibition in Oslo in 2023.